Scott, now 18 months on from completing treatment at Phoenix Futures’ Scottish Residential service and awaiting his own accommodation, shares his story of strength in overcoming trauma.
‘I grew up seeing addiction in my household, where I lived with my mum, step-dad and little sister. I struggled with feeling like I didn’t quite fit into the family unit, and my behaviour changed as I looked for attention by acting out.
Throughout my childhood I wore a mask, well several masks, to fit in with the people around me. In school I experienced bullying and fear, and that’s when the drinking started. I spent time with groups that were getting into fights and skipping school. Alcohol gave me a false sense of confidence; it dulled the fear inside me and quickly became a major part of my life. At 15, I added cocaine into the mix. Substances numbed the trauma I’d experienced and helped me keep up the ‘bravado’ young men are often expected to show.
At 18, I managed to get a good job in trade retail and worked my way up to a trusted position looking after high-value items. But some days I was starting my shift having not slept, and desperate to finish so I could drink again. Society often treats alcohol as acceptable, and that can make it easy to overlook when someone is struggling.
Over the next few years, I spent time in prison for various offences and developed a dependence on opioids, and I was really struggling to manage my methadone prescription without the right support. I didn’t feel supported to reduce the prescription, and healthcare often focused on diagnosing and medicating rather than helping me explore and heal what was underneath. When I began using substances that carried more risks, my family started experiencing stigma too. People would stop my mum while she was out shopping to ask about me. They felt the weight of people’s judgement.
My life had become increasingly chaotic, my home was robbed, I became involved in violence, and I nearly died after being stabbed. Even seeing how devastated my family were wasn’t enough to break the grip that addiction had on me.
During my next prison sentence, I completed some CBT. It wasn’t a full solution, but was the first step in my mind working differently. I realised my anger was a mask for my sadness, and that I needed rehab for myself, not just to make my family happy.
Once I entered rehab at Phoenix, it took time for the behaviours I’d learned in prison to settle. I felt apprehensive and believed I was beyond help. But that wasn’t true, nobody is beyond help.
Slowly, I realised people genuinely wanted to support me, and I learned to go with the process. I started building relationships and was surprised by how powerful it was to hear others talk openly about shared experiences. The bond I now have with my key worker is something I value deeply. I hated being pushed out of my comfort zone, but I realise now how much I needed it. I’m not fighting it anymore. I’ve pushed through my anxiety, and I’ve found my voice. Everything makes sense now, it was the hardest but most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
Rehab has also given me some of the best laughs of my life, it’s not all heavy. For me, it was the right balance of being challenged to try things I didn’t think I could do, while still having humour and connection.
A big part of my recovery was joining the family groups. It meant so much for my mum to be involved and to recover from how my drug and alcohol use and the trauma we went through together, had affected her.
Recovery takes action and that’s what it means to me. I discovered I had strengths I didn’t know I had! I’ve got involved in volunteering, helping to open another unit in Aberdeen, being a trusted peer for others, and seeing people heal through peer support. I volunteer at IBROX recovery café through S.C.R.N and at a men’s mental health and suicide prevention charity, Tony’s Safe Place, to give back to the community I once took for granted.
I’ve also started a counselling course so I can really build on my love for helping others. My journey is far from over and I’m learning to feel and understand the trauma I experienced as a child. You need to build a connection with yourself and explore your blind spots, beliefs and values. With self-awareness, you can work on those things and support others in a non-judgemental way.
I’ve got a lovely life today. My family support me and my commitments, and I let my actions speak for themselves, I just never imagined my life could look like this. I have a girlfriend, and my next step is getting my own place. In the future, I want to use my experience to support people on their own recovery journeys.
When I think about my experiences before and during recovery, I wish people would stop judging and stigmatising. Many people who use drugs or alcohol have been through trauma; adding more stigma only adds to their pain. You don’t know what has led someone to that point. People need to be mindful and compassionate, often someone is using substances because they’re trying to cope, like putting on a plaster.
If anyone out there is struggling, know that there is hope. If I can do it, then anyone can. The most important thing is to reach out for help.’
